Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
