i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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