You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
