I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
