I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
