so explain again why im purple
no
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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