yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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