So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
