So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
