I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
