I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
