I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
