carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think my vagina is haunted
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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