If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
