the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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