Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
