Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just made the most āsingle lifeā Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
