My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
