wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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