I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
