Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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