So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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