You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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