you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
