4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
