Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
