Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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