I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
