She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
