i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
