ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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