so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
