It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
