The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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