We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Found the puke drawer
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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