I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
