I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
