then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
