I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
