i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
