Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
