My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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