did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
