If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
