My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
