I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
