there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
