Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
