I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have post one night stand depression
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
