No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's Friday. Sex?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
