Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
