the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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