Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
