Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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