I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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